You want to be loved and liked by everyone but loved for the right reasons that glorify our Lord.
Sounds reasonable right? The problem is, how do you become someone who is genuinely likable, encouraging, and fun while not being a people pleaser? The good news is, it is not only possible but a good and noble thing to do.
I'm here to tell you that it's all your fault... let me explain,
I'm sure we all know certain people in our lives that seem to be comfortable with everyone and don't have any trouble starting up conversations or keeping them going. Some of us may write it off as "oh, they were just born like that" or "they only give people what they want" or even "they're an extrovert, and I'm not".
Have no fear because you don't have to leave those seemingly extroverted people on their own, and you too can enjoy amazing fluid conversations and relationships that both you and the person you talk to think about it long after it's over!
We've all heard the term "just be yourself," and I'm probably not the only one who cringes at this, thinking it's one of those "sunshine and rainbows, there's nothing bad in the world" overly optimistic view. However, there is some amazing truth to it that is both realistic and beautiful at the same time!
Being yourself does not mean giving in to whatever fancy you happen to feel at the moment. Being yourself is being who God made you to be. God made each one of us in His image and each one distinctly different; there are no two persons alike. Being made in the image of God, we want to understand things, and how they work, we want to be like Him and be all-knowing, which is what lead to the fall of Adam.
Because we have this innate desire to understand the world, we tend to want to 'box things up' by observing something, naming it, and applying those observations to other things we see. We see creatures that walk on all fours in a field and call them cows; we see slim shiny things in the water and call them fish. This is a good thing because if not, the sheer amount of information in the world would be too much for our minds to comprehend, so we put names to things with the same qualities.
The issue is... we can get trapped inside the box we made. It may have served us well in the past, but as we learn, grow, and expand our understanding, it becomes more constrained and makes it harder to really move on to bigger and better things! If we think all creatures in the water are fish and exactly alike, that may be okay if we don't see many fish, but if it's our only source of food, then the type of fish can mean life or death.
Starting life, we lean on the understanding of those around us. We take for granted that there is a country called Brazil even though we've never been. And this is great for the things that don't necessarily affect our everyday lives. But when it comes to something more personal and close to use, like who we are to be before the Lord, there has to be personal exploration and learning on your own. You have to carefully, prayerfully consider what you are doing to see if it's in alignment with God's word.
A good example of this in history was slavery; at one point, someone said that these persons were inferior and found that the majority of those people had a certain color of skin, so trying to understand the world better, they put them in a box saying "most people with that color of skin are inferior".
While it may have served them originally in a specific time in their life, they haven't changed their understanding because it was already a comfortable idea and would force them to give up the notion that they fully understood that part of the world as it was.
Now you're probably saying, "Gideon, what does this have to do with being a more genuinely likable, fun, and outgoing person?" well, dear reader, because we put ideas in boxes, we also put people in boxes. This includes yourself. I am an introvert, so I can't be super outgoing; it's just not my way. While it's just a thought in your head, it's written into your subconscious that you cannot be an outgoing and likable person whether you really think it or not.
While it seems like just wishing away the deep written thought that you aren't or can't be an outgoing, likable, fun person fixes all things, it's not that far off from the truth.
Something I am not saying is that it will be easy to change. Going up to someone you've never met before and introduce yourself will probably still be very uncomfortable and awkward no matter what. This absolutely does not mean that you can't or aren't a naturally fun and likable person that gets along with everyone you meet; it just means that you haven't had the practice yet to be who you are to be (yourself).
The question then arises, "How do I be myself if you're telling me to be something I'm not?". Being yourself has been thrown around so much that it's almost lost all meaning. Being yourself means that you have first to understand who you really are, and most of us only have a clue as to who we really are.
It's a lifelong question that no one but God fully understands, and we all seek to find. Yourself is not your feelings; it's who God made you be. Beginning the journey of finding out who you are has to realize that you aren't all-knowing. It's laying down the fact that you might, just possibly, could be wrong "trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding."
My own journey started with prayer, asking the Lord to open up my mind to His understanding and allowing me to see the path He has for me to go, day by day week by week, and month by month, every day petitioning the same request. Slowly but surely He revealed to me small snippets of understanding who I am to be, and each day I learn more about it, the more I learn how far I am and the path keeps getting longer and longer the farther along it I go. But the adventures along the way keep getting more exciting and the stakes rise each time. It's living life as a quest and getting to learn, understand and grow along the way. Every week is so different from the last it feels like a whole new book.
The foundation of being a genuine, likable, fun, outgoing person that gets along with everyone is all within your head and starts with understanding who you are to be. It's whether you choose to be who God has you to be or to avoid the path with distractions and self-indulgences. You can't avoid it, it's going to be difficult and hard, but it will be nothing you cannot withstand.
It's not easy to change, but changing is a good and noble thing to do. It's a selfless thing to do. Being outgoing and easy to get along with everyone gives you the ability to lead and encourage others closer to Christ. Thankfully, it's not an impossible journey, and there are things you can do to make your path easier!
Later, I'll share some super helpful tips to have meaningful, engaging conversations with anyone that leaves both parties ecstatic for the next one!