Through my readings, I'm starting to come to realize what the greatest and hardest challenge in life is and it fits so perfectly into everything else it brings tears to my eyes.
That one thing, the biggest challenge you could ever overcome is in fact, not a single thing. There is no one thing for anyone. Everyone has their own one thing which if you wanted to put it into words, it'd be perfection, or fully realized potential. I've come to realize though that literally every person is so different and unique it's quite amazing.
God created this world and not one person is the same as the other. We all have different views, however slight, there is no two exactly alike.
The only time we consider ourselves above someone else is when we compare, but comparing is imperfect as there are so many factors that come into play to the point where it's impossible to see the whole picture. We can only compare the result or outcome, but even that isn't a very good metric as two people may do the same action but have completely different motivations behind it.
One son may do the dishes out of love, and the other may do it to avoid negative consequences. The outcome is the same in both instances and is difficult to tell the difference, but one is greater than the other.
Books on actions don't always lead to the same results and so there is no single best action you can do to get the best results for everyone. Someone may get 90% to their full potential, while others doing the exact same thing only get 10%.
I've come to realize that actions aren't hard, it's the reasons behind the actions that are the most difficult battles and achievements. Shaping your character is a long time and tedious task that never ends.
An economic principle that I've found applies nicely to the rest of life is that when you trade one item for another, they are not of equal value and the wealth of both parties is increased. Likewise, when you give someone more of something, this does not mean that you are giving less to another person.
This world isn't composed of 100% where each person gets a portion of the pie, we all have our own pies and perceived values. In addition to that, there is more than one kind of pie, pecan, banana cream, apple, and many more, there is no limit to the kinds of pies. Some may like an apple more than a pecan, does that mean that Apple is better? The answer is both yes and no. Some may trade two pecan pies for one apple, but does that mean the individual trading the pecan pies has the short end of the stick?
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like unto it. Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Agape love is the highest form of love. It's complete and selfless. There is no trade or bartering for it. This too has different meanings to different people. There is no 'one love' that you can show to everyone and get the same results. I was first put onto this by Gary Chapman in his book "The 5 Love Languages" where he spoke about how each person has a specific language that they feel especially loved in. He speaks in the context of marriage, but it fits nicely into the idea of everyone is unique and different. Though he divides it into 5 major catagories, he goes even further by saying that each person has thier own unique toung. Simlar to how there are many Indian languages all with similar charisteristics, but each with a different twist.
Learning to observe and speak in other's love languages is difficult, as you have to set aside your own perceptions of what you think makes you feel loved the most, and actually find out what makes other's feel loved.
I've come to find that greatness, is not what I thought it was. The truly great people are very little known or observed. But the impact they have is enormous on the lives of those around them. Greatness is not made up of wealth, stature, position, or even how many people you know. True greatness is selflessness, living for others, actively seeking greater heights to bring more value to those around them. As it turns out, this is quite a difficult task. There is no earthly glory for this man, many people never recognize them for who they truly are.
"Whoever exhalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exhalted" Matt 32:12
In his book "Good to Great" James Collins spent a great deal of time and resources trying to find out what made the great companies truely great. He found that the businesses that out performed all the other's in their market were built on the foundation of what he called "level 5 leaders" which are induviduals with humility and great personal will to succeed. These level 5 leaders do not promote themselves, but work hard toward the goal and don't flaunt their achievements.
It's facinating to see how God blesses the humble in the long run. Some may not see it in their lifetime, but He blesses their decendants. Likewise too, sometimes God curses an induvidual, not by taking away anything in thier earthly life, but rather the curse is on the generations following them.
It's not hard to build wealth, but building sustainable wealth is a different story. That's why you see many people rise to prominense only to stay there for a short period of time. True greatness is not social stature, it can't be measured by comparison to other's, but only by God's word and commandments.
As people, we have a desire to become great. That's how Adam fell originally, he wanted to become like God and so ate the fruit. Pride and ego are the greatest enemies to who we are meant to become. Laying down our pride is difficult and there is no earthly glory in it. Announcing ourselves and our achievements is much easier and we get praise from those around us when we do. Truly dying to ourselves and living selflessly is the impossible task of greatness.
It's difficult to not speak up and let other's know of our prouess. It's hard to let others talk and not throw in our two cents. It's almost impossible to live a life of starving your ego, but that is the greatest challange. Not telling a falsehood, when it's easier to do so. Being completely honest with all that you do and work toward is painful and we get no glory from man in doing so, but God sees all things.
"For he looks to the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens" Job 28:24
Outward actions are only results of our inward selves. Shaping and molding your mind and heart is difficult. It too is a great challenge and is the bigger equation that you have to solve. There is no inner secret kept from our Lord, and God sees all things.
"Would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart." Psalm 44:21
Judging others is another interesting topic that I've struggled with. It is so easy to look down upon other's from their actions, not realizing the full story behind it. I've gone back and forth on whether it is right to judge a book by the cover, or by the meaning behind the cover.
My current understanding on this is to judge neither result or meaning behind other's actions. If it affects me, then I am commanded to forgive. But if it is not toward me, then I have no right to judge another's actions. This is not an easy task as I've had to struggle with not holding their actions against them and looking at them in a different light. When I judge other's it becomes a sin on my part and now I have to seek repentance. This doesn't mean you lay aide the actions done by others, and if you see your brother sinning it is your duty to bring him back, if not you are aiding in the sin by not opising it. But it means that you love the sinner and hate the sin. Going with gentleness to them and not by way of shaming.
I've come to realize that to genuinly influence and aid someone you have to love them enough to lay down your pride and walk. I given into the temptation of 'stating the facts' or 'being honest' when attempting to help someone, only for them to lash out in anger. They see it as an attack on them as a person, and not the sin within them. We are to be prudent and tread carefully. I've found that when it comes to influencing another induvidual listening is the biggest way you can help them. Too often we want to get our thoughts and opinions across, and not often enough do we shut our mouths and listen with full focus.
The key thing I've come to realize when you do listen to others is that they will now observe your actions and listen to your ideas. This is both a good and bad thing as if you are not doing the right actions then you are influencing them negativly. On the other hand, if you model good works, then you can influence them posativly.
I decided to test this idea out, of actually listening to people by way of influencing them posativly and I am honestly shocked by how far it goes. It's brought me to tears on more than one ocasion the past few weeks that I'm writing this seeing how just listening and showing that I am listening changes people. At first those around me were suspicious, as if I was trying to get something out of them, but once they found there was no hidden objective behind it, they started wanting to spend more time sharing thoughts and ideas. And they make very subtle changes to their actions that imulate and model my own, to the point where my little sister went out of her way to setup a show and gave me a shoulder massage. I couldn't have payed her to do that, but she decided to do it on her own without my saying a word. Even my youngest sibling (5) would remind her older sister to remember to pray before eating because she saw me do that. Those are only two small instances of the impact and many other subtle ones that would be hard to determine the exact origins from.
Taking listening to another level is combining it with Gary Chapman's love languages, and observing how those around you feel most loved and loving them in thier languages has huge impact! I find it super interesting and weird in some ways how 'easy' it is to influence people and develop deep relationships in such a short period of time. More times than I can count have I seen my thoughts come to fruition. It's almost as if those around me are able to read my thoughts and take action on them.
In some ways it feels like manipulation, but the weird thing is, it only seems to work to the good. The bad habits that I have don't seem to influence those around me like I expected. It only seems to allow the good through and not the evil.